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Experiencing God Through My Cappuccino

Might as well face it, I’m addicted to love, the love of an amazing God.
Yet, there is another infatuation that I proudly proclaim along with my love of God is my love for a good cappuccino. This is not just a drink to me; it is a pleasurable experience in and of itself.

If you are unfamiliar with this drink, you have really not lived, now have you? I would like to show you how to experience our God by way of this wonderful beverage.

The first ingredient in a cappuccino is two shots espresso. The power of the drink itself is in this dark concoction. This is what we want the overall experience to be, a large pick me up encounter. Show me the power.

Show us the miracles. When life brings difficulty, many call out to God to come to them in mighty ways. Then when things settle down, move on to live life without Him until we need another jolt of His presence.

A quick shot to help get us through the daily grind. Don’t be content with a relationship with God at this level or you will miss out. Don't just desire to relieve the headaches and not the personal relationship that does a heart good.

Added ingredients transform an espresso into a cappuccino. The transformation from espresso to cappuccino begins with the largest ingredient of the drink: Milk.

I relate this to God through His written Word. This creamy experience cannot be taken in too quickly; it must be sipped slowly. Psalm 119:105 states, “Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path”. Daily steps taken in His Word over time will broaden our experience with Him. Day by day, sip by sip, savor the substance.

We now live in a culture where there are drive up coffee outlets. While that seems like a practical solution to the busyness in our lives, convenience is not the way to experience a cappuccino, nor is it the way to experience our God. To hurry through this, only cheapens the experience. Slow down, and enjoy. Time with him in His Word will transform our walk with Him.

Added to my cappuccino I like a little sweetener: sugar, syrup, and flavorings that enhance the pleasure of my already wonderful drink.

Pastors, teachers, books and other believers are sweet experiences that compliment His written word.

Some may prefer sugar, while others enjoy syrup; different flavorings based on different tastes. Maybe you like a little Beth Moore or Kay Arthur: sugar and spice and everything nice. Or, you like something a little more dangerous, like Max or Randy: snips and snails and puppy dog tails. These are the wonderful flavorings that compliment an already amazing experience.

Lastly, there is the froth. We can taste the milk, sweetener, espresso, but many miss the flavor of froth. Many don’t notice its existence. Froth are the circumstances, you know, “coincidences” and activity around you. Some say that there is no point to froth; it is only blown up air. You are not talking to the air, so expect to see Him working in our life and look for answers to prayer.

Be careful, you may become addicted to this whole experience.

Abstinence is the answer to most addictions. Not with this one though. I challenge you to become addicted to our loving God. This is one addiction you will need to fuel up on. Psalm 42:1-2…as the deer pants for streams of water, so I thirst for you, God. I thirst for the living God. When can I go meet with Him?

Spend some time experiencing Him this week. You just may not be able to get enough. Enjoy!

Which way do I go?

I am sitting here at my desk, when I really should finish packing for a trip to Tennessee that I am leaving for tomorrow after work.

It has been quite a ride the past few days. I should have expected so much. It seems as if every time I move forward on ministry opportunities, things begin to unravel all around me on the homefront. On the surface, my family is falling apart. My children are going through emotional difficulties outside the "normal" teenage experiences, and my husband is still on the mend since surgery on his back on New Years Eve.

I have cried more that I thought possible, and have illicited opinions from those whom I love and cherish most.

I will say that I have prayed, asking God, "What do you want me to do?", and "Will you please answer me?" Desperate questions for a distressing situation. Nothing. That is what I heard, silence. What do you do when you need immediate assistance and the communication feels as if it has been cut-off? I waited.

During my wait, I had to do something of course! I called Delta Airlines and asked my options. Of course they could help me. I was in Michigan last winter when my mom was hospitalized and needed to change my flight home. It was so simple, and so cheap. For $18.00 they eagerly moved my flight back a couple of days. No problem.

When the man on the other end of the line stated he could help me, I felt that I would have my answer depending on the amount charged. Well, I got an answer alright, $800.00. Yes, you read the number correctly, a whopping $800.00! I thanked the man all the while, thinking that there is no way I can or will pay that amount.

So I decided to do what I normally do when I need an answer. Take a nap. I had a quiet house and a nice warm bed, a great combination. But before entering a much needed slumber, I decided to do my version of "Let's See the Answer". I think it should be a game show. Maybe you have played it yourself. The rules are quite simple actually. You ask God to give you something in scripture, and you just open your Bible and expect an answer.

I did precisely that. "Could you give me an answer on what to do?" The answer must have been encrypted. It was either in 1 Kings or 2 Kings, and I really did not have a clue on what it was saying. I looked harder for a mircle answer of course. But it appeared not to be so.

As I felt weary and dreary, I open it up one more time to a passage that jumped off the page from Jeremiah 12 from the Lord: "If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses?" I am familiar with this verse since reading a book from the author of the Message, Eugene Peterson. It was titled 'Running With Horses'. I love what my commentary says about this passage: Life was extremely difficult for Jeremiah despite his love for and obedience to God. When he called to God for relief, God's reply in effect was, "If you think this is bad, how are you going to cope when it gets really tough?" Not all of God's answers to prayer are nice or easy to handle...but we are to be committed to God even when the going gets tough and when his answers to our prayers don't bring immediate relief.

You see, I really wanted to throw in the towel, stay put and take care of my hurting little girl, but I know that I am to be in Tennessee. I felt the struggle deep within me this morning. But as much as I want to remain e and protect and shield her from struggle, I have been called to minister to some ladies in another state that I do not even know.

I have reread and pondered this verse a couple of times today, and I noticed that the two words right above this verse simply state: God's Answer. I didn't notice those words right away. I sometimes wonder how may times He is directly communicating with me in such simplistic language, and I don't see Him right in front of my face?

It really doesn't matter what I would prefer at this moment, but what He desires for me is what truly counts. I am not capable of predicting the future, and I am so thankful that I cannot.

I will let you know what happens on the other side of this retreat and the week away...Love, me

Not alone as I think

The other night after our first class of the semester I arrived at home and felt a very familiar heaviness on me. The only way I can explain this is a dark feeling of complete loneliness. It is this unpleasant feeling that I experience often after speaking. I have spent many an occasion in bed crying myself to sleep after a talk.

What I do now when this happens is battle it. I have learned that we are in a spiritual war and that I need to fight it and not cower to it.

That being said, I arrive at home and ask God to "give me something". I have this devotional that I am so in love with called Jesus Calling. The writer shares as if Jesus is writing specifically to you. I randomly open it up and read the following from July 18th:

I am nearer than you think, richly present in all your moments. You are connected to Me by Love-bonds that nothing can sever. However, you may sometimes feel alone, because your union with Me is invisible. Ask Me to open your eyes, so that you can find Me everywhere. The more aware you are of My Presence, the safer you feel. This is not some sort of escape from reality, it is tuning in to ultimate reality. I am far more Real than the world you can see, hear, and touch. Faith is the confirmation of things we do not see and the conviction of their reality, perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses...

Taken from Acts 17:27-28; Hebrews 11:1 (AMP)

I am so amazed by our Lord. If you were in class last week you know that I spoke on having "Infomercial Faith" and used Hebrews 11:1 as my reference at the top of our handout! Isn't our God SO GOOD!!!

Outside My Marginal Existance

Who am I? Jane’s My Name…A modern day narration of what’s just under the surface…

There he was. She had been hearing about him for a while now; maybe he could help. But, heck, she had gone to others for answers and what good did that do?

Twelve years now, and nothing. She lost everything, her health, her money, and even her dignity, gone. It didn’t start that way for her, she had plans. When she was a little girl, she would lay in bed at night and dream of the man she would one day marry. Once he was a doctor, next a fireman, a police officer; his title would change frequently, but it didn’t matter, she would be HIS wife.

And her dreams didn’t just end at night; she would sit on her floor frequently with her small perfect versions of adulthood and play out her future. Hours of her life spent in her portable plastic pink playhouse. She could save the world and do housework and have a full course dinner prepared all in one afternoon sitting.

As she entered her teen years, she took it a step further, she would daydream about each new boy in her life, was he the one that would be her knight in shining armor? He loves me, he loves me not was the tune humming in her head as she pulled off the stem of her apple in the cafeteria at school, of course the extra tug would come on yes, he did.
Hours were spent on the role of her dreamed up future. Her youth now felt like one big waste of time.

She did have other dreams, like being a famous actress or a model jet setting across the country, or even a school teacher, but the reoccurring role play in her life was to have someone love her…to be loved.

As I was sitting one day compiling info for an upcoming talk of the lady in the Bible that had been bleeding for 12 years, I started writing this...what I discovered is that just under our surfaces maybe we too are "bleeding" and need help. I dare you to reach out and touch Jesus...what I have found out is that when all others in this world have disappointed me in one way or another, He has always, always, always been faithful.

Again???

Okay, I was watching this movie, Julie and Julia the other day and it motivated me to write. I am a procrastinor at heart. Why do today what I can put off until tomorrow? Well, I have so many "God" moments that I share with people and they are like, Wow, you should write a book. Since no one is knocking down my door with offers and quite honestly I am a bit lazy, why not start here.

Just a short snippet of me. I have experienced God is so many amazing ways. I am talking Jesus here in case you are offended, sorry this may not be for you.

I always have a feeling when I am going to share my personal life. Things start happening that point me toward it. I do not enjoy sharing about myself. The first time I did, all I could think about afterward was I was naked, not a pretty picture just let me tell you. I left that evening thinking to myself that I would NEVER share again!!! Well, that was not true.

That first time I ever shared my life I was on a plane ride from Texas to Michigan to visit family. I have had some not so good things happen in my life (just like most of us) and felt that one day God would use these experiences to help other people.

Well, on the plane I get out my yellow pad of paper and start writing down that if I were ever asked to share, what I would say. Now I want to interject here that no one had asked me to share anything, I just felt like I needed to write it down on paper.

I arrive in Michigan, my home state, and after a couple of days, it is Sunday morning. I always go back to my home church and visit when I am in town. This particular morning I am walking up the back steps of the church into the foyer area and see a friend I haven't seen from years earlier.

After we talk for a couple of minutes, she says that she is praying for someone to talk the next night and feels that it is me. I am the answer to her prayers. I was completely blown away, and NERVOUS! That kind of scared where your heart is beating so fast you quite possibly could have a heart attack.

The next night I do show up...that was the start of things to come. I now speak to ladies every week.

I am pledging from this moment on that every time I have a "God" moment, I will share with you, whoever you are...

The Little Green Paperclip

I would like to share with you a particular day in the life of one ordinary person on an extraordinary adventure of immeasurable proportions with our Almighty God...

Where do we start? The day before sounds good. It was a pretty normal day. I woke up, got out of bed, dragged a comb across my head… okay sounds a lot like a song. Most days I pray in my closet at the onset of the morning, so let’s begin there.

My closet is that special place that I hang out with God. My children joke that I go there to get away and nap. Well, while that may be true sometimes; it is usually the place where I spend talking to God. We routinely go over the day’s events, and I will say something like, “Lord, what do you want me to do today?”

This particular morning, instead of the normal chit chat, I said something spontaneously provoked, “Lord, this is your book, I am giving it to you. What do you want me to write?” It was a strange moment that I gave the book I was writing over to God. Heck, I never would have attempted to write anything, let alone a book, on my own. The only reason I was writing was that God had prompted me to. I had never considered myself any bit of a writer. I have a difficult time sitting still for more than a minute. Normally, alone time would be similar to some form of late night horror movie type of torture.

Okay, maybe you are wondering, how do you know that God prompted you to write a book? Well, it was pretty cool actually how it happened. It was a process over a couple of months where random people came up to me telling me I should write a book. That peaked my interest, but did not really initiate much of a response from me until one day I was in my closet and I called out to God, “You know Lord I am not too bright. Put in front of my face what you want me to do.”

I later arrived at church and attended a weekly Bible study. Each week I led a group of women and gave an opening talk that corresponded with that week’s lesson.

Upon completion, a lady from the class, walked up to me and said, “Josie, I hope you are keeping all of these openings you are giving… girl, you should write a book.”

I have heard this before so I say something of the sort, and leave to go about my morning. This group of ladies after opening, go into a small group session for a period of time, so I headed downstairs, where I worked in the children’s department, and said hello to a couple of people.

A fellow co-worker looked my way and then turned to the person next to her and stated point blank, “Josie should write a book.” She then proceeded to tell this person why she felt that way. She spoke as if I was not even there.

I knew that God was communicating. Two people in a matter of two minutes was pretty amazing in and of itself. So I go to the bathroom, (Don’t worry, no one was around and my conversation was not out loud…) and say to God, “Okay, if this is you Lord, send me another person before class is over. I know that you can.” A little challenge of sorts, all in fun of course.

After this I go back to the class and after a time of about two hours or so, the study is about over. I pretty much have forgotten the moment in the restroom where I challenged God.

The last two women leave the room while I cleaned up. I then hear the words, “Oh, by the way”. One re-entered the room and stated, “I know what you need to write for your first book, you need to take all of the openings that you have given and write some sort of devotional. That should be your first book”.

I thank her; all the while I am blown away. Here I ask the God of the universe for someone to tell me to write a book, and He not only delivered my request, but told me what to write. I was in awe to say the least.

Well, I asked God that morning to put it in front of my face, and He did exactly that. So that brings me to the book itself.

I no longer have that book. It was taken outside of an Olive Garden restaurant a couple of weeks back. This is what this writing is about. A day in His life. A day when we see how amazingly wonderful our God is. That is the story I would like to share.


Clean Up, Clean Up…

The morning started off like any other. I had finished praying in my closet and then took a shower. My husband found a bereavement fare to fly back home to Michigan upon the passing of his uncle. I would finish the book that God had called me to write while he was out of town for the week. Upon completion, I would go back to work again in the children’s department at church. A nice and pretty package I made for myself.

I need to explain here that since the moment that God called me to write a book, I left my position in children’s ministry, to write. We were not doing great financially, but if I could make it through the summer, my plan was to complete the book, and then could go back to work, if necessary. My husband came to me two months into this and advised me that we were not making it and I would need to go back to work sooner than later. I called my former boss, who was holding my position open for me, and told her my dilemma. We decided to go to lunch that afternoon to discuss my options.

Days before, God had really been working on my heart. I was teaching an evening Bible study and loved leading women each week to a closer relationship with Jesus Christ. It was a thrill to make an impact in the lives of women. I loved the rush and challenge that came from speaking. I took every word out of my mouth very seriously and with much study. Things in this area were opening up. I would be leading another study come fall. What a thrill.

I had been pondering what life is about, and realized it is about being a servant. It is all about washing feet; just like Jesus did with the disciples. I am on the phone with a friend of mine and vocalize this thought, “I think I have it all figured out. It is about feet washing; about being a servant.” I go on to say that I want to be like Philip in the Bible. The person on the lone desert road is every bit as important as the crowd of people he was preaching to in Samaria. I wanted with all my heart to be like him in that regard.

I wanted to be the person that is moved in my heart toward the individual, and not just the excitement of the group as a whole. “God, make me a servant”.

Just as I complete this thought, I stepped right into a pile of poop. Apparently one of my dogs left me a package on the bathroom floor that I was unaware of. I tell my friend, “Obviously God wants to start with me”. He wanted to clean me up before I could clean another. This moment would be a visual reality that would unfold as the day progressed.

You see, it was easy to say that, and another, to really mean it. I don’t want to be affected by the mass reaction, but the individual impact. Jesus showed his disciples that day what it meant to be a servant. He would get down low and wash the crud off of their individual foot. I want to be there to help make a difference in the individual life of a person. I want the heart that is willing to do whatever it takes to make a difference for all of their eternity.

Pride and arrogance easily can get in the way if we are not careful. We can even convince ourselves that we really do care, but I wanted to more than care. I wanted to feel what they are feeling so I can be there for them on a whole different level.

So I cleaned up my dirty foot that morning. Yuck!


Shattered Glass

Now that I was nice and clean, it was time for lunch. I had dedicated two hours, four days a week at the local Starbucks to write. It was the least I could do. You really feel like you are something special when you are sitting there knowing that you are making a difference in all of eternity, all the while with cappuccino in hand. You know there is a saying, it is all about God, and coffee…Well, maybe that is just me.

Anyway, I would have lunch, get my job back, go to Starbucks, write, and go about another day; every detail figured out. I packed up my laptop, along with outlines; this included every note and personal journal accumulated over the past year or so. Pretty much everything I would need and then some, to write that afternoon. A friend of mine had asked me a couple of days earlier if I had some type of backup just in case something happened to my computer. I told her that I was printing out all of the pages of everything I had written. This day, I had it all with me. Not too bright, I know.

I place my bag along with all of the abovementioned contents in the back of my sport utility vehicle. To my defense, the back seat of the SUV was down, and the windows were tinted. I had the bag on the floor behind the driver’s side, hidden to the outside by the seat being down.

Upon entering the restaurant, we conversed about everything, except my position. As we leave the restaurant we head toward her car which was located on a different end of the parking lot. I entered her vehicle and we spent time discussing my options. Before lunch, there was the concern that would I have enough time to write the book and work. I explained to her my well thought plan.

We then discussed the book itself. These next words out of my mouth would haunt me only moments later. I boldly proclaim, “I am not sure what God is going to do with the book. It may sit on my shelf for two, maybe ten years, or God could do something with it before I even complete it. That is the exciting part. I have no idea what He wants done. All He has asked is that I write, nothing more. And if it makes a difference in one life, then it was worth it”.

Not even five minutes later, she drove me to my sport utility around the corner.

“Oh, no”, I state as I look down outside my vehicle and notice glass on the ground. “Someone broke a bottle outside my car”.

She states, “Josie, someone broke into your car”.

Right away I know. It’s gone. All that time and effort placed in the pages, gone.


Out of the Rubble

We waited for the police to come to fill out a report. It was a surreal moment. I didn’t know what to make of it. So much of me was in that book. I only allowed a couple of people to read the first chapter, and bits and pieces of the other chapters, I shared with select few. Other than that, it was a special time between God and me. Strangely enough, that day, I had a copy of the first chapter with me in my purse.

The first chapter was different from the others. It was my testimony; that was all I had left. The rest was gone.

After the police arrived and we filled out a report, a worker from the restaurant came and swept out the broken glass from around and inside my vehicle. Right on the top of the rubble, dropped a little, green paperclip. I laughed as my boss took a picture…this was all that was left of me…

“I want to be like the little, green paperclip”, I exclaimed. The paperclip when doing what it was created is in the background, holding together the items of significance. It is out of the way. Only the paper it is holding is shown for all to see. No one notices the paperclip. It receives no recognition.

I want to be like the paperclip; I want to be a servant A paperclip fulfills the ultimate function of a servant; holding up another.


After Thoughts

That evening I arrived home and could feel an overwhelming depression attempt to take over. God had my back though. Sitting on the kitchen table was an anonymous card from my previous church with a verse from Nahum 1:7…The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Along with His words, the person wrote that she was thinking of me and praying for me. The right words at the right time.

I felt lost. My husband was gone. My children didn’t understand. That evening I spoke my thoughts to God. I would like to share some of them with you…

July 17, 2008...

Who am I? As late as this morning, I would have considered myself a writer. That is no longer true. I had the identity of writer stripped away today. Someone stole everything, from computer, to printed pages. Gone.

What do I do now? How do I react? I left my job, and everything that has given me identity to write this book at your calling. I really do not understand at this moment, but I feel that Your hand was in this.

Who are you when all you are is all you have left? I am not sure I fit up to the standard that I have voiced that I am. I am not sure of much anymore. I am feeling very violated right now. What do I do? What will people say when they see me back in the place that I was convinced that you took me out of to write a book that is no longer in my possession? Whew.

Really, when it comes down to the nitty gritty, who are we really? I finally succumbed to the fact that I am actually a writer, not any more. Today, I have been made a servant, a servant of Jesus Christ. All that is left of my identity is a little green paperclip.

This little thing is but a small reflection of the person I have become. What do I do today Lord? My husband left for the week, and this morning all I thought this week would be was a completion of this book that I am so impressed with. You have given me so much, I have been completely blown away at how great You are.

I feel that you are bringing me to the core of things, that this is all about feet washing. I really wanted to be a servant. I wish I was that person, but the competing feelings inside of me might not be the case. I ran away from the position of being an assistant to another. I wanted nothing more than not being an assistant. I guess I could not see how going backward would bring me any further forward. I know that you do not work in the ways we work, you work way beyond them. So this should not have surprised me at all.

Here I am looking at the same position that I ran away from the most. Well, I only have to look right in front of me. That is the only thing that I have left to look at. Today, I need a position, I have no position, and I have no book to write.

Before lunch, there was the concern that would I have enough time to write the book? Interestingly enough, there is no longer a book to write, so yes, I have much free time.

What do you want me to do?

I am beginning to realize that it is about giving all of me to You so that there is nothing else left.

My biggest fear with writing this book was people to actually read it. It was my heart and soul; I am not sure how I would feel when my intimate thoughts were read.

Well, there is an opportunity going on right now. God, will you protect me tonight and please in your power, bring my book back home?

I guess I see surrender as complete surrender. The book was me. It was my life, journals, inner thoughts, it was all of me. I now understand what it is you are trying to get me to let go of, me. I am sorry that I have made it about anything but you. I feel all alone.

That may be what I am having the hardest time with, feeling alone. What do I do with myself if I am not working on something of significance? I know that this is more than a learning lesson for me; this is a profound life mission, a calling, a something deeper than I am. I am ashamed with myself. I have made it about me. I am sorry.

I don’t know what to do. Where do I go from here? What do I do tomorrow? Who am I?

I told people that I finally understood who this book was for, it was for the unbeliever. That may be the hands that are holding this, an unbeliever. God, if someone is out there and they are looking at this, I pray that it makes a difference in all of their eternity along with their household. Please let it make an impact on them. I ask in Your holy name that they return this to me. But, at your timing. God, you have a plan, and today I just want to do what you want me to do.

Let me be a godly example to everyone around me. I love you more than anything. I will die for you. I want to live for you.

I don’t know how to write anymore, and I guess that is fine. If I ever have this gift again, I know you will bless me with it. I love you.

You give and take away, my heart will CHOOSE to say, Lord, blessed be your name.


What Now?

Sometimes we cannot see the forest through the trees

Ain’t that the truth? If it made a difference in just one life, then it was worth it. A life has changed, mine. I am no longer the same.

Six months have passed since that day, but shortly after the incident, I noticed a transformation. I have a capacity to love more deeply than before. I cannot explain it, but, if this is what it took to change me, than it was definitely worth it.

If you would have told me that months of time would be dedicated to a project that would never make it to fruition, I quite honestly can tell you that I would not have devoted myself to it. I would like to say I would have invested that much effort in another person that I did not know, but truth is, I would not have.

I wonder, what now? As I write these last words, a completion of sorts on this particular journey, a question fills my mind. What next? I am excited to see what God is going to do.

I was contemplating a title for this writing, all along thinking it should be, “The Little Green Paperclip”. The other day, while running around my neighborhood, I changed my mind. I liked the sound of “Out of the Rubble” instead.

I came home and cleaned up. I put on a pair of jeans that haven’t been worn in awhile. Inside the front pocket, wouldn’t you know it, was a little green, paperclip. So that is it...the little green paperclip.